


Lost

by casshanlu



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27473362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casshanlu/pseuds/casshanlu
Summary: Nayeon can't tell what was worse; her longtime girlfriend breaking them up or her company's CEO threatening to end her career. It was a choice that neither wanted to make so Hana, Nayeon's girlfriend does it for them.It's far too hard to say goodbye to her - NayeonSeeing her reminds me of what we had - Hana
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Foreword

'Even if the world forgets me, I wish for our memories to last an eternity' - Im Nayeon 

'I wish you all the best, unnie. I'll root for you as you become the brightest star in the skies' - Kang Hana


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the most anticipated season of the year. Christmas. A time where magic seems to come alive in every parts of the world - where the world celebrates happily with their loved ones tucked cozily in their homes. But for two, the winter seems colder than ever and the holiday season is nothing but lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any errors in my writing. This story was written long ago when I first began sharing my stories. It's also posted on AFF but I remodeled it here. Thank you for reading this story in advance :)

December, 2016. 

The pavements and roads of Seoul’s center were frozen with layers of thick ice and the weather was unusually cold however, that didn’t dampen the mood that the Christmas season brought. The streets were alive in every way possible - vibrant and buzzing with life. Each corner filled with happy families; couples enjoying their time and children playing in the snow with brightly lit Christmas trees which were shining with various colorful decorations. Restaurants and cafes also joined in the festivities by offering special menus and adding decorations to their shops.

It was the most wonderful time of the year but for some, it meant burying their lonely hearts in work. 

In the middle of the bustling city, an ongoing music festival draws in massive crowds with fans waiting out in the cold since five in the evening for a glimpse of their favorite idols performing for the Christmas Day special inside Seoul Olympic Stadium. Many top idol groups were invited to the Christmas Day special and it's spectacular list of scheduled appearances included Twice. Inside one of the many waiting rooms, Nayeon patiently waits for her group's turn. The waiting room is busy as usual with hair and makeup artists rushing to place their finishing touches and stylists helping the members into their outfits for the performance - it was no short of a noisy affair.

Nayeon however is the first to finish so she sits in one of the empty chairs; her face appears grim as her eyes are trained upon the large monitor in the waiting room. The monitor showcases the live performance of the Christmas Day special as the camera pans to the group currently performing. Her eyes couldn't help but follow one particular person on the screen; the person that she once loved - the smile that once made her swoon and the face that lead her heart to beat erratically, now only brought her heartache and longing. 

Her members stop what they were doing when they notice her grim expression whenever she watches the monitor, so they guide her away from the monitor and tries their best to cheer her up.

"Come on, unnie. Chaeyoung says she has something to show you," Tzuyu speaks. 

Chaeyoung tries to distract her with the new pouch she bought, explaining the cheap price she got it for and the amount of things she could store. Nayeon musters up a small smile and nods but her mind was not on Chaeyoung's pouch; it drifts away to the worse days of her life. 

\-----

3 weeks. 

It's been 3 weeks since they last broke up but Nayeon was still reeling in the heartache. No matter how much she thought about it, no matter how much she wished she could forget; she still couldn’t get over the younger girl. Every time she tries to get angry, she breaks down instead. She tosses everything the younger girl has gifted her to the ground but finds herself picking them back up and treasuring it since it was the only thing that reminded her that there was a relationship. She knew the younger girl didn't want to; they both didn't but it was inevitable. When both their companies, YG Entertainment and JYP Entertainment found out about their relationship, they were given a choice. One, to break up and pretend nothing had ever happened or two, to stay together and be kicked out. Of course, it came along with one-to-one threats from each of their Presidents. 

Nayeon knew that being kicked out of their groups would be terrible especially when they've worked so hard to get this far. The precious chance of debuting and to be pulled out when they have barely began their journey; it would be a waste of all those years of hard work. The countless sleepless nights they spent awake to practice for their showcase; the competitions they were forced to go through for the sake of standing on stage - sacrificing their childhood and school. But at least they overcame it together; because they were together, it wasn't so hard. Nayeon's mind was made but the younger girl's was unpredictable. 

In the end, no matter how much Nayeon begs the younger girl not too; Nayeon could tell that the younger girl had already made her choice and she wasn’t going to change it. The younger girl had uttered the words, 'Let's break up' to Nayeon, knowing well that Nayeon would be the one to hold on so, she did what she had to do. The younger girl announced to both their Presidents that they were over before leaving the meeting room; her back turned away, not looking back even once as Nayeon watched the younger girl leave. Her heart breaking with each step the younger girl took away from her.

Once the YG president and the younger girl was gone, her own president turns to her and says, "Don't be too sad, Nayeon. She did what was necessary for both her career and yours. It would never have worked out with both your schedules in the future." 

Her president's words passes over her head like clouds. Fleeting. She couldn't hear anything else after that; everything was muffled including the voices of her managers. She tries to stand, her legs wobbling like jelly as her manager catches her by the arms, preventing her fall. She pushes her manager away, not wanting anyone else's hands on her as she drags her feet out of the President's office and into the practice room. Her unshed tears roll down her cheeks when she feels her members bringing her into a group hug as she bursts into tears; sobbing uncontrollably and shaking in the arms of her members who tried their best to comfort her. 

One week. 7 days. 168 hours. 10 080 minutes. That was the amount of time she spent crying in her members’ arms. God knows how much she tried to stop her tears from falling but it just flows out without stopping at the thought of the younger girl; memories of that fateful day plaguing her mind, inducing her nightmares. She learnt to mask her emotions at fan signs and schedules; she did not want the public to catch on about her broken heart so she smiles - she plays around and she throws flirtatious remarks at her fans but behind her façade, she bawls her eyes out every night in her room, praying that day never happened. That it was all a dream and the younger girl was still with her but her hopes fade when reality hits. 

\-----

After excusing herself from Chaeyoung's talk on her pouch, Nayeon returns to her chair by the corner and scrolls through her phone. She taps on the Instagram icon on her phone and aimlessly scrolls through her feed. She tries not to seek out the younger girl but she can't help it; she misses her so much so instead, she resorts to stalking her on her group’s Instagram. Her finger stops on a post from last night; a picture of the her and four members posing in front of the Han River smiling. She gently swipes her finger across the picture on the screen like she could feel her and even if it is just a picture, at least she knew that the younger girl was doing fine without her. 

A small tap on her shoulder pulls her out of her thoughts. She tilts her head up and sees her leader and best friend, Jihyo.

Jihyo flashes her a small smile and says, “It’s our turn in 5 minutes. BLACKPINK is already close to finishing their performance."

Nayeon nods, storing her phone into her bag as she stands up and follows her members out of the waiting room. They head through the hallway, greeting staff members and other idol groups as they walk towards the stage. She could feel her heart beating faster as they get closer to the stage knowing well that the younger girl would definitely pass by her in the hallways. Nayeon was right because as soon as BLACKPINK left the stage, the 5 of them walks down the staircase and the two groups greet each other with pleasant smiles and bows.

Nayeon on the other hand freezes the moment her eyes meet with hers. The younger girl mirrors Nayeon's actions as her eyes widens with surprise, her jaw dropping a little. Guilt flashes through the younger girl's dark orbs as her smile drops. 

Their eye contact is broken when Jennie calls out to the younger girl, “Hana, let’s go! It's freezing out here and you’re going to catch a cold."

Hana breaks out her temporal trance as she nods and follows her group members back to the waiting room leaving Nayeon to feel even worse. Hana walking away from her reminds Nayeon of that day all over again. Nayeon is guided onto the stage by Jeongyeon who flashes a small smile; her members shoot her supportive looks as they assume their positions in the dark. She steels her nerves and once the music starts, Nayeon hides her emotions behind a large smile as the performance began. 

\-----

After leaving the stage and encountering Twice, Hana and her members enter their waiting room as the staff members rushes to wrap blankets around them to warm them up. Hair and makeup artists walk over to fix their makeup and hair that were strewn all over. While minding their own business, they heard Hana’s makeup artist gasp, drawing everyone's attention. Everyone in the room turns to look at the both of them wondering what happened to the extent of such a loud gasp. 

“Hana, why are you crying?! Are you okay?” Jieun, Hana's makeup artist questions frantically.

Numbed by either the cold or the pain, Hana couldn't tell any longer; she slowly brings her fingers up to her face and feels something wet staining her cheeks. 

Was she crying?

Hana fails to register the tears escaping her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Concern fills the minds of the older members as Jennie immediately walks over to Hana and pulls her into a hug. Hana remembers Nayeon's face when they bumped into each other and immediately breaks down crying. The staff and makeup artists watch on - puzzled as to why Blackpink's youngest member suddenly broke down crying.

Was she hurt?

Did she see something that caused her to cry?

What was it? 

Hana grips onto the fabric of Jennie's dress tightly as she struggles to hold herself together. The other members could only look at their maknae bawling her eyes out, their eyes depict their worry over their youngest member's well-being. They didn't want to crowd her in fear that she would have trouble breathing so instead they allowed Jennie to comfort her in their stead. It didn't take a mind reader to know that Hana was crying because of Im Nayeon. Maybe it was too early for them to appear on the same show as Hana's ex-girlfriend. The wounds on Hana's heart was still too fresh; it was still bleeding profusely and not even the thickest of bandages were enough to stop it. 

"I'm sorry, Hana. Unnie is sorry. It's our fault. It's still too early for you to see her and we failed to understand that. Unnie is sorry," Jennie whispers into Hana's ear as she rubs large circles around the younger girl's back, calming Hana down. 

Jennie exchange glances with the other members, nodding their heads in support. The members weren't blind to Hana's misery. Ever since the two broke up, Hana had been hiding in her shared room with Jennie; she only came out when they had schedules. When they greeted their fans, Hana hides behind a smiling façade, enthusiastically waving and communicating with them but the members knew better than to believe the front that Hana puts. Hana was dying on the inside and they couldn't do anything to help because she wouldn't allow them to. The members knew it was cruel of Yang Sajangnim to make Hana choose between her dreams and her heart but they couldn’t object to it either. At the end of the day, all they could do was watch helplessly as Hana bawled her heart out after losing her girlfriend.

\-----

After a while, Hana finally calms down enough to stop crying. She continues to cling onto Jennie like a koala, sniffling as she buries her face in the crook of Jennie's neck. Jennie softly pats her on the back as Hana pulls away and musters a small smile. Jennie returns with a gentle one and rubs Hana’s head.

"Better now, little one?" Jennie asks softly.

Hana merely nods as Jennie heads back to her makeup artist to fix her makeup. She turns her head to find the other members sending her kisses and hearts, cracking her up with their silly antics. 

Jieun walks to Hana with a sympathetic smile and says, “Now that you are done, would you let me fix your makeup? Honestly, you are one hot mess right now and you have to go back on stage again later. We don’t want anyone shooting snot running down your nose now, do we?”

Hana shakes her head as Jieun leads her to makeup desk, grabbing her brush and begins working on Hana's face. 

“I'm sorry, Jieun unnie. You must have been shocked," Hana utters apologetically. 

Her makeup artist chuckles and retorts. “You bet I was!”

Jieun's reply brings a smile to Hana's face. Hana allows makeup artist do her job as she sits still, patiently waiting for Jieun to complete her handy work. Once the reapplying of their makeup was done, a staff member swings by their waiting room to inform them that they need to head back to the stage for the closing of the music festival. They gather into a group and head out of the room with the members surrounding Hana; Jennie holds Hana's hand for support. They hear the ending song playing as they walk up the stairs onto stage. 

On the large stage, they spot a lot of other groups that were invited to perform and as they walk past them, they bow and greet them. Hana is close to a lot of members from different groups so when she sees them, she waves and greets them excitedly as they fool around on stage, exciting the fans who were going crazy over their shared interactions. She turns to the crowd and waves to Blinks who screams loudly when they sees her waving at them. She then walks back to join her members who were already standing together towards the back. The fireworks show began as her members yells in shock which lead to Jennie hugging her side; Rose and Lisa hugging each other and Jisoo who feels nothing merely claps along to the ending song.

She wraps one arm around Jennie's shoulder, bringing her closer into her side and rubbing Jennie's arm to calm the older girl down. The poor older girl covers her ears and cowers in fear at the sound that the fireworks were producing. Hana could see Nayeon with her group members through her peripheral. Hana doesn't know why but she recalls the time when she hears Nayeon mention that she was afraid of the fireworks and when she looks over to the other side, she sees that it was true. Nayeon was holding onto Jihyo tightly as the fireworks went on. Hana bites her lip and forces herself to look away as she tries to stop the incoming tears from falling. She is supposed to be the one comforting Nayeon right now and yet, here they are standing as far as they could from each other. It was all too much for her. 

The festival soon ends as each group gradually exits the stage and heads back to their waiting room. When Blackpink returns to their waiting room, they rush to change out of their stage outfits to their regular clothes before heading out to their van. They file into the car one after another with Hana taking the back seat along with Rose. Hana rests her head on Rose's shoulder as she sighs in fatigue. The whole ride to their dorm is a silent one with everyone passed out in their seat. Once they arrive, they thank their manager before exiting the car and heads into the elevator that takes them to tenth floor where their dorm was. 

Jisoo inputs the code as the door unlocks, allowing them entrance into the dorm. Rose and Lisa bids them good night as they disappear into their respective rooms along with Jisoo who also heads to bed. Jennie on the other hand pulls Hana into their shared room and sits her down on the bed.

“Now that we are alone, spill,” Jennie urges, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the wardrobe as Hana looks at her quizzically.

“Spill what exactly, Jennie unnie?” Hana asks innocently.

Jennie sighs. “Your feelings, Hana. I know you aren’t exactly over what happened earlier. You may hide it well in front of others but I've known you for 5 years." 

Hana lets out a shallow huff as she holds her arms out towards Jennie who pushes off the wardrobe and falls into Hana's embrace. 

“I’m fine. It’s just... I haven’t seen her for 3 weeks and when I did, all my pent-up emotions just rushed out all at once but I’m fine now. So please don’t worry, okay?"

Jennie nods, not entirely convinced but it's late and they were both tired. It was no use pursuing the topic any longer.

Hana breaks away from the hug and flashes a small smile at Jennie. “Let’s wipe off our makeup, wash up and head to bed, shall we? I’m pretty sure the other three are already halfway into dreamland." 

Jennie chuckles as she heads into the bathroom along with Hana and clears their makeup. Hana grabs her toiletry and heads to the other bathroom to wash up while Jennie uses the one in their room. Once they were done with their nightly skincare routine, they dove into bed together and falls asleep. A couple hours later, Hana's eyes flutters open. She groans and turns to look at the clock by her bedside. The bright red letter shows that it was one in the morning. She peers over to her left side and sees Jennie sleeping soundly with Kuma at the foot of the bed. Unable to fall back asleep, she slowly and carefully slides out of bed hoping that she wouldn’t wake Jennie up.

She grabs her black coat hanging on the clothes rack, swiping her black face mask off the dresser and adds a thick woolen black scarf around her neck and a cap onto her head. She leaves the room, tiptoeing out into the living room. She isn't dressed too shabbily; black sweats and a plain long-sleeved under her coat.

_Sometimes, it pays to room with Jennie Kim._ Hana thinks to herself. She grabs a pair of keys and heads out of their dorms secretly. It's not her first rodeo anyways. She puts on her mask and walks out into the cold air as she begins walking aimlessly. Her feet leading her anywhere and before she could comprehend her whereabouts, she finds herself in the park close to Twice’s dorm. She examines her surrounding and scoffs in disbelief.

_How did I even walk so far? Hana Kang, you really are a piece of work! Out of every place to walk to_.

She is about to walk away when she spots someone sitting on the bench. The figure of the person from where Hana was standing is very similar to Nayeon. Her feet moves involuntarily as she gets closer to the person. As she nears the person, her eyes widens in surprise. She couldn't believe her luck; the person sitting on the bench was none other than her ex, Im Nayeon. She immediately turns away and prepares to leave when she hears Nayeon's voice. 

“Hana, is that you?”

Hana's feet stops moving for a split second when she hears her name. She whirls around to face Nayeon who was already barreling towards her. Nayeon stops a couple steps away from Hana and reaches her hand out to remove Hana's cap when Hana grabs hold of her wrist, preventing her from doing so. 

“Don’t. I’m not supposed to be here and I can’t let anyone see me,” Hana mumbles lowly.

Hana releases her hold on Nayeon's wrist and drops her hand back to her side. Hana trains her eyes to the floor, not wanting to look Nayeon in the face. 

“Please just look at me."

Hana hears Nayeon plead desperately; her voice cracking with each word. Hana's head snaps up to see Nayeon in tears; her nose red from the biting cold and her lips quivering. Hana wipes Nayeon’s tears off with her thumb and places her hands on Nayeon’s round cheeks which were already red due to the extreme cold, gazing deeply into the older girl's eyes.

_So beautiful._ Hana thinks silently as she studies Nayeon's face; there was nothing amiss, the older girl was still as beautiful as the day they met. The day she _fell_. She grits her teeth and releases her hold on Nayeon's face, taking a step back before she does something they'll both regret when day breaks. She unravels her black scarf and wraps it around Nayeon’s neck, adjusting it to cover her face. She does not want the girl to freeze neither does she want to take any risk; just in case there was a reporter or even a fan close by. They didn't need to cause any unnecessary scandals due to Hana's foolish mistake. 

She slips her hand into Nayeon’s, ignoring the way her body reacts to Nayeon's touch and brings her away from the open park to a more secluded place in the neighborhood. The rooftop of Nayeon’s dorm. As they make their way up the steps of the dorm, her mind recounts all the times she used to sneak up here with Nayeon, so Nayeon's members couldn't disturb them. As they arrive at the top, Hana releases Nayeon’s hand but feels Nayeon holding onto it even tighter. She allows it. After all, this would be their last anyways. 

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Nayeon unnie? Since we last saw each other, the last time was...” Hana doesn't get to finish her sentence when Nayeon cuts her off. “3 weeks ago when we broke up. The day I begged you to reconsider your decision. The day you announced to both our presidents that we were over and so coldly walked away without so much as a glance.”

Hana averts her eyes, unable to look at Nayeon without feeling the guilt from that day eating her up. “Trust me when I say that I never meant for any of this to happen, but if we didn’t break up, our dreams of becoming world stars would have all gone down the drain. The years we spent training would have been for nothing and I couldn’t do that to you, not after what happened during your survival show days. I knew how hard it was for you after 6mix failed, then, immediately after that, you were thrust into Sixteen. It wouldn't be fair to you, unnie. The hardships that we went through during our trainee days and to finally debut after all those grueling years; if we were pulled out of our groups now, everything that we have dreamed off, sacrificed for will be gone in a flash." 

"Did you ever consider that maybe all I wanted was you?" Nayeon questions.

Hana whips her head towards Nayeon and stares at Nayeon in disbelief. “So, all those years you spent training and dreaming about standing on the global stage - getting recognized for your talents, you are willing to throw that all away for us? Is that what you are saying?" 

Nayeon looks away as Hana mutters, “I thought so," sadly.

Hana pulls her hand out from Nayeon's grip as she walks close to the edge, leaning her front against the cold railing and stares at the dark skies. She didn't expect a pair of arms to wrap around her waist from behind as she feels the familiar warmth envelop her body; Nayeon's scent fills her nose as nostalgia hits her like a truck. She wiggles around to face Nayeon, circling her arms around Nayeon's shoulders, pulling the older girl’s body closer to hers. They remained in that position, unwilling to let each other go. Hana then breaks the hug as she gazes fondly at Nayeon’s face; her eyes trailing down from the big doe eyes, the small button nose, the cute bunny teeth and finally lands upon her luscious lips.

Hana's eyes flickers between Nayeon's eyes and her lips; her eyes searching for permission from the older girl. Hana receives it when she feels Nayeon's hand sliding up her body to cup her face, guiding Hana's face towards hers. Their lips brushes past each other's softly but it wasn't enough for Nayeon. Nayeon hooks both arms around Hana's neck and drags Hana down to mold their lips together. Sparks exploding between them as their lips fit perfectly like puzzle pieces. Hana responds to Nayeon's fervent kisses as the kiss slowly becomes heated and passionate; all the pain and desperation that they endured for the last 3 weeks rushing out at the same time.

They finally break apart, gasping for air. They lean close to each other and connects their foreheads as they stare into each other’s eyes - one with conflict and the other with love. Hana steps away from Nayeon, lightly brushing her lips on Nayeon’s forehead and landing a small peck. 

She leans down and places her mouth by Nayeon’s ear, whispering, “I love you. I always have - always will. That’s why I need to let you go. Goodbye, Nayeon my love. I wish you all the best, unnie. I'll be your fan and root for you as you become the brightest star in the sky.”

Hana straightens her back and flashes one last teary smile at Nayeon before turning on her heels. She forces her legs to move towards the exit when she hears Nayeon's voice begging her not to go. 

“No, please don’t go... I beg you, Hana, please."

Hana quickens her pace, rushing down the stairs without looking back. She fears that if she did and sees Nayeon’s face, she would retract back her words and never leave. She couldn't be selfish; even if the only thing she wishes was to be back with Nayeon. She covers her mouth to hide her sobs as she begins sprinting out of the building to get as far away from Nayeon as possible.

Nayeon on the other hand is left alone; she stares sorrowfully in the direction that Hana leaves through and breaks down. She cries out in sadness knowing that she was never going to see Hana anymore after today; she curls her hand into a fist, beating her chest repeatedly in agony. She cries and cries until there were none left when day breaks; Hana was long gone and so was her heart. 

Their love that she hoped still existed was finally _lost_.


End file.
